The following story is from Chapter
14 of the book Led
By The Hand Of Christ
by Suzanne Freeman (as told to Shirley Bahlmann)
Christ took me back
to the gardens of heaven, and I sensed that it was nearing time for me
to return to earth. While I had every intention of going back, my
heart sagged at the very thought. Not only would I miss all the beauty
in heaven—including the ease of
cleaning up after dinner—but I would have to return to a body
that would be suffering from a painful miscarriage. That wasn’t even
the worst of it. More agonizing than that would be my empty arms with
no baby to hold.
I’d always had an early emotional attachment to
my unborn babies, feeling a sense of unbounded joy when I first found
out I was carrying them. I always wondered what they would be like,
what they would look like, and eagerly anticipated their arrival. I
had already felt that this baby was a very real part of our family,
and now she would be gone. I didn’t know how I would bear the loss.
A calming presence moved into my circle of
awareness, and I looked up from my dreary thoughts to see Jesus’
earthly mother, Mary, standing in front of me. Dark hair framed her
lovely face, and her blue eyes regarded me with such compassion that
tears stung my eyes. She put her arms out and embraced me, wrapping me
not only in warmth but a soft and comforting layer of empathy.
Mary took my hand and walked with me along a
pathway that ended up close to where I had started. Mary didn’t stop
until we’d entered a pretty white gazebo with delicate woodwork that
looked like Victorian lace trimming the eaves. She lowered herself
onto a bench and patted the seat beside her. I sat down.
The spirit of my little daughter who’d been my
ectopic pregnancy joined us. In fact, her spirit had tagged along with
me for most of my journey through heaven, sometimes stopping to play
with the children we encountered, only to catch up with me later. She
had also milled about with my other family members. Since I’d always
wanted to have a daughter named BrookLynn Rose, I called this little
“It is such a noble thing to be a mother,”
Mary said to me, her liquid blue eyes filled with sympathy. “I can
understand your pain.” There was no question in my mind that she
“It will just be so hard to return knowing that
my little one won’t be with me,” I said. “My empty arms would be
the most painful thing to endure.”
Brook skipped over and wrapped her arms around me
in a brief hug, then scampered off again. I watched her go. “After
the damage done by the ectopic pregnancy, I don’t know if I can even
have any more children. It’s hard to lose Brook. I’ll miss her so
much.” The very real possibility of sudden and permanent sterility
hit me, and I quailed at the thought.
Mary put a tender and reassuring hand over mine as
her gaze followed Brook’s antics across the grass. Mary’s amazing
blue eyes were soft with compassion. Since her love is so great, she
often attends little children on earth as a guardian angel.
Mary turned back to me, her face breathtaking in
its beauty. “There’s this place,” Mary said, then paused.
“I’ll see if I can get permission. Wait here a moment.” Mary
stood and glided off across the grass.
Brook dashed into the gazebo and sat in Mary’s
place. I looked into her eyes, and she gazed back at me with a twinkle
in her eye. She was such a beautiful child, and I already felt a deep
love for her. She looked like a mix of the features of all three of my
girls. From the mischievous expression on her face, I was fairly sure
that I knew the answer already, but I still had to ask the question
that burned my tongue.
“Do you want to come back?” I asked.
Brook shook her head. “I have to stay.” She
patted my hand, and I was comforted. I knew that Brook had made the
It was made known to me that sometimes a
miscarriage is allowed as a challenge for the mother or family, and
the brief time spent in the mother’s womb has fulfilled that
particular spirit’s mission. Sometimes a miscarriage occurs because
there is a problem with the DNA or some other facet of development,
and the spirit that would have claimed that body may come again.
Depending on the cause and purpose of the event,
miscarried babies may be able to choose whether the miscarriage is
their total earthly experience, or whether they want to go again.
Brook appeared to be having too much fun to want to wait around for an
earthly nine months to give it another go. Besides, she had said she
had to stay, and in my heart of hearts, I knew it was the right thing
for her to do.
This choice is only offered to those spirits who
miscarry. In the case of abortion, the baby’s agency is taken away,
and those spirits are taken to the reassigned children area. What
was shared with me is that since the choice was taken from them, then
they will have another chance. They need to have the right to
experience life and fulfill their mission on earth as was planned in
the grand council in the pre-mortal world. That was and is the reason
for the atonement; choice and accountability.
I want to make sure that it’s understood that
this is not reincarnation. Even in The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints, we do not seal a child to the parents if the baby
has not taken a breath of life. If an infant has taken the breath of
life, that means they chose that body as their own, and even if the
baby only lives for a few seconds, that spirit will not be coming back
again to take another body. Their choice has already been made.
In reincarnation, it is believed that we come over
and over again until we get it right. But the whole reason for
Christ’s role on earth is the Atonement, so that we don’t have to
keep trying and trying. As I was taught, Christ died so we might live.
If he died so we might live, and live, and live, and keep on living
over and over, then why did he die? If we could get it right
eventually, then why would we need Jesus Christ or his Atonement? If
we keep coming back over and over, there is no need for spirit prison
or paradise. What about when we are resurrected? Since there is not a
hair of the head which shall be lost, then which body would we choose?
There would be no reason for the resurrection.
There is no such thing as reincarnation. You deny
the Atonement ever happened if you believe in multiple mortalities.
Can you imagine Heavenly Father saying, “You failed this life so now
you have to live another one with no memory?” How do you know what
test you failed the previous time if you have no memory? It simply
doesn’t make sense.
people have memories of times from before, then they most likely saw
that time when they were a spirit. Since we can sometimes watch what
happens on earth from the pre-mortal world, then some people may carry
memories of things that happened before their time on earth, and
mistakenly think it’s reincarnation. Perhaps they acted as guardian
angels in certain places or for certain people, and their vague
memories of that time make them think they were reincarnated.
Family members and friends can act as guardian
angels to help us return to God’s kingdom. After we pass to the
other side, our mission may be to help others on earth return to our
Guardian angels are never too busy to help when we
need it. All we have to do is ask in righteousness and we can get
help. Father in Heaven wants all of us to live with him. That’s why
there are guardian angels, spirit guides, and heavenly guardians. When
we think or talk of them, they are there, faster than a phone call. If
you learn to listen, they can talk to you and give you guidance from
the other side. You can rest assured that those loved ones who have
passed are helping us here on earth. They receive their greatest joy
in seeing good things that we are doing; however, their greatest
sadness is when they see us become worldly, selfish or cruel. If we
turn away from righteous living, they will leave, because they do not
Mary came walking back toward me, her lovely
features turned up into a smile. Hyrum Smith was close behind her, and
he spoke before Mary did.
“I heard,” Hyrum said, his eyes alight with
joy, “and I know the perfect one for you.”
“The perfect one what?”
“Child. You get to choose one of the reassigned
Hyrum pulled me to my feet. He must have sensed my
confusion, because he and Mary explained to me that reassigned
children are those spirits who are aborted or who are prevented in
some way from joining those families who had promised in pre-mortal
life to have them.
Children who are spontaneously aborted by women
who get pregnant and then intentionally misuse drugs or other
substances harmful to their bodies also end up in the reassigned
Joseph and Emma Smith joined us along the way.
They love to go to the reassigned children area, and often visit
simply to spend time playing with the children.
The flowers in the reassigned children are bright,
eager primary colors of red, yellow and blue, quite different from the
flowers I’d seen around the temples which were a soft, glowing
white. I thought back to other places where flowers had been muted
pastels, and still others where they were as vibrant as flame. It
seemed that the flowers matched the purpose of the building or place
where they grew, and carried the mood of holiness, playfulness,
happiness or tranquility. The flowers of heaven are an integral part
of the place, lending an aura of quiet beauty as they vibrate with
Another thing I admired about the flowers of
heaven is that any time a flower is picked, a new one appears in its
The reassigned children area is one of the most
beautiful places in heaven, with terraced landscaping of three
different levels spilling over with beautiful gardens of various
plants. The children are permitted to play wherever they want to.
It’s a joyous and happy place, and it is Christ’s favorite place
to be. Many people in heaven count it among their favorite spots.
The children appear to range in age from toddlers
to pre-teens. They are pure and full of love, and they never fight or
On top of a small hill with soft grass that
whispers an invitation to roll down is a playground with everything a
child would love to have; swings, slides, merry go rounds, monkey
bars, everything. There were also grassy knolls scattered around where
children could play if they wanted to.
As soon as the children caught sight of Christ,
they ran to him, laughing. Christ broke away from me and surprised me
by darting away from the children, the transparent cloak that he wore
over his white robe flying out behind him. I understood his reason as
soon as he turned to look over his shoulder at the miniature crowd
hard on his heels, his face alight with joy to see that they were
keeping up the chase.
I figured that Christ must be able to run faster
than he was actually going, but his real intention was not to outrun
his pursuers. Sure enough, before long, one of the children grabbed
onto his cloak and Christ tumbled down onto a patch of grass, landing
in a heap. The children piled on top of him, shrieking with delight.
After the chase, Christ played ball, swung on the
swing set, and hung from tree branches with the children. Laughter
bubbled through the air.
Between some of the trees were open spaces where I
saw children being taught. Many schoolteachers choose to go to the
reassigned children area after they pass on, because their love for
teaching goes with them into the next world. This is the beauty of
heaven- you do what you’re good at and what you enjoyed on earth.
The only time sadness overshadows the reassigned
children’s place is when an aborted child’s spirit arrives. It may
take a little while for the spirit to adjust, but it soon realizes
that it will be happier with a new family. Not only does the aborted
child go to the reassigned children place, but also all those who will
be that child’s descendents. For example, if one of the spirits were
to have four children, then each of them had four children that would
be sixteen in just one more generation. Then each of them had four
children would equal 64 in the great-grandchildren level, and so on,
and so on. See how it multiplies? They all go to the reassigned
children area! The blessings last to the eternities, and when a child
is chosen, a whole generation goes with him or her.
There was one light-haired little boy playing in
the flowers. As soon as he saw Hyrum and Joseph, he jumped up and
dropped the flowers that he held in his hand. The blossoms tumbled
toward the grass. To my astonishment, as soon as they touched the
ground, they disappeared.
The boy jumped straight into Hyrum’s arms. It
was plain to see that the two had a great deal of affection for one
Hyrum turned a beaming face toward me. “This is
the boy,” he said.
“You’d be a good mother for him,” Christ
The child was absolutely charming, and I knew that
since Hyrum loved him so much, and with Christ’s approval, it would
be easy for me to love him, too. After watching all the children
laughing and playing, I was grateful to have help in choosing one,
because they were all so beautiful and radiant that I couldn’t have
done it on my own. I trusted the choice of the heavenly beings for the
child that would be ideal for me, and that in return, our home would
be the best one to provide the earth life experience that he needed.
Knowing that this child would be coming made the prospect of returning
to earth easier on my heart.
When the little boy and I embraced one another,
all of the other reassigned children cheered for joy. There was not
even a shred of jealousy, no whining, and no cries of, “That’s not
fair!” Everyone was happy for him, and I could sense the excitement
they had for their friend who would now have a chance to experience
life on earth. I sensed a joyous anticipation from some of the
assembled children for the time when it would be their turn to go.
Eighteen months later that boy turned out to be our son, Wesley Hyrum.
I was able to see one child actually leave for his
new earthly home. It was quite a send-off, even more joyous than when
I chose my new son. I loved being in that place, and felt like I could
have stayed there forever.
As I wondered about the children around me, it was
made known that some of the children waiting in the reassigned
children area were spirits with special missions who had been promised
by particular parents that they would have them in order for the child
to carry out his earthly purpose. But the parents had somehow lost
track of the thread that tied them to their pre-mortal agreements and
had chosen to limit their families, or else made their bodies unfit or
unable to conceive and bear a child.
Some couples had their sights set on a bigger,
more expensive house and didn’t have room in the budget for more
children—or even one child—and some wanted to travel or were
wrapped up in a career that would be inconvenienced by having
children. Others had started taking drugs out of curiosity or in an
effort to find a “quick fix” for temporary earthly trials. For
whatever reason, they didn’t end up with the children they had
promised to have.
The spirits that are discarded by earthly parents
will be reassigned. Since God is over all, everything will ultimately
work out to achieve His purposes, but the original promise is broken,
and the line of descendents for the family that didn’t fulfill their
promise is given to another. There are great consequences for not
having the family you promised to have, and there are great blessings
for taking on reassigned children and having more than you covenanted
This is not to say that families must have 30 or
40 children in order to be in good standing! Certainly not. Please do
not agonize over the number of children you have—or don’t
have—even though this can amount to emotional torture for childless
couples who suffer the heart-breaking trial of not being able to bear
their own children. Christ knows their pain, and he suffers along with
them. There are reasons as varied as there are spirits for this to
happen. God’s ways are not man’s ways, and he has his own reasons
for not sending reassigned children to couples who yearn for children,
yet have none. No matter what, his intense love for every single one
of his children is steady and unwavering. Some people are meant to get
the children they’re supposed to raise through adoption.
people on earth only have one or two children, but it’s not for lack
of willingness or desire to have more. Then there are others who can
only handle a certain number of children because of limits on their
emotional, physical, or mental health.
What it boils down to is that we must not
judge one another. Regardless of the reasons for people’s life
situations, we all value our own agency to choose, and must grant the
same privilege to others. In many cases, the couples do not choose
their childless situation, and it is cruel to ask them why they
aren’t having children. Guard diligently against any thoughtless
comments you may unwittingly make to childless couples or those with
fewer children than you think they should have. We are supposed
to love and help one another, not lecture and sit in judgment. Be
anxiously engaged in truly loving and helping one another, and be
concerned only with correcting your own shortcomings and weaknesses.
Each child of God can search his or her own heart
in earnest prayer and receive the answers that pertain to their own
lives. (End of Chapter)
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